The gift of Hindsight and breasts

Hindsight; I’m a big fan of hindsight, I spend a lot, and I mean A LOT, of time thinking about it. If you look it up in the dictionary you’ll find the explanation;

Recognition of the realities, possibilities, or requirements of a situation, event, decision etc., after its occurrence.


How brilliant is that?

I also like breastfeeding. In fact, breastfeeding has become my absolute favourite topic in the whole wide world despite the fact I have desperately tried not to become one of the breast is best brigade, I just can’t help myself.

So, when the opportunity arose for me to speak at a parent craft class about breastfeeding, naturally I jumped at the chance quickly forgetting that I can be socially awkward, possibly come across that I need some sort of medication and I’d like to think quirky but in reality its probably just plain old weird.

Anyway here’s a list of things I said and with the gift of hindsight what I probably should have said.

In relation to breast milk supply I said:

‘I once squirted all over my nieces face, it was mortifying.’

What I should have said was:

‘Trust your body, you will always have ample supply for you babies needs.’

With regards to how in tune your body is to your baby, I said:

‘Sometimes, when the dog cried my boobs would leak.’

What I should have said was:

‘Again, trust your body it will know exactly what and when to fulfil your babies needs.’

When the topic arose of the sensitivity of your nipples, I said:

‘I don’t have a weird sex life, I’m not sure about you but my bad boys had never had that type of exposure before let alone been sucked on for twenty four hours at a time.’

What I should have said was:

‘Keep in mind that your nipples will be sensitive in the early days, gather a stock of appropriate cream, compress’s and even cabbage to cool and soothe.’

And talking of appropriate cream;

‘It’s also really good for your hands…and your piles!’

However, what I should have said was:

‘Ask the pharmacist.’

In terms of how challenging breastfeeding can be, I spurted;

‘It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I thought Maths GCSE the second time around, no, the third time, was tough!’

What I should have said was;

‘It’s very challenging but extremely rewarding.’

When the session was wrapping up it was mentioned about relevant support via the internet and I said;

‘I don’t Google anything anymore, Google was the reason I didn’t use saucepans whilst I was pregnant and the reason I very nearly jet washed the baby when she was three weeks old.’

What I should have said was:

‘If using the internet, definitely use trusted sights.’

Hindsight, ey?


What not to say to a nursing mother

Eleven things to say to a breastfeeding mother that will make them want to punch you in the face.

1. ‘I couldn’t do it.’ Is probably the most annoying thing you could say to a nursing mother.
News flash; breastfeeding is difficult but doable! Only around two percent of women can’t actually breastfeed. Saying ‘I couldn’t do it’ to someone whose been through the rigmoral that are the early days of nursing is like saying ‘I’d really like to breathe, but I can’t!’

2. ‘I did it for a while but the baby was just not satisfied.’
Wrong! A newborn baby will feed a lot in those first few weeks and when I say a lot, I mean, get comfy, your in for a long ass journey at the beginning. One that sees you sore, squirty, sleepy and not to mention drained. They latch on they latch off and the process is repeated vastly throughout. It may seem like she’s not getting what she needs but have faith, trust your body, your milk is tailored to meet every single need your bundle of joy is demanding!

3. ‘Its only beneficial for the first three days.’
Are you talking about the colostrumn? Because yes that magical stuff is a source of super goodness for your baby, and I’m a firm believer of any breast is better than none. However, the benefits of breastfeeding go a lot further than those initial few days. I won’t list the realms of positives that breast milk gives both mammy and baby but believe them when they say; breast is best!

4. ‘I didn’t fancy it.’
I didn’t fancy pushing a pumpkin sized human out of my vagina but I rolled my sleeves up and got on with it! I don’t fancy chowmein or a cruise but giving my child the absolute best start in life? Yes, I quite fancy that! Especially when it’s free, full of goodness, easily accessible and ensures I can leave the house on a whim whenever, I can’t work out what’s not to fancy?

5. ‘The baby will be clingy.’
Another news flash! New born baby’s are clingy! Whether you breastfeed, bottle feed or steamroller straight in with rare steak they want love, attention, fuss and some.
If by clingy you mean I have a stronger bond with my baby you’d be right? Definitely right, because, and here’s the scientific bit, breastfeeding is all hormone controlled and releases something called oxytocin which is the exact same hormone that’s released when you fall in love, so, officially cue stronger bond.

6. ‘ don’t you get embarrassed?’
Uuuhhhh NO! I once farted in aerobics that was embarrassing. Waving at someone you don’t know; also somewhat embarrassing. Feeding my child the way nature intended usually wearing more than I would on a Saturday night pre baby; not at all embarrassing.

7. ‘How do you know they are getting enough?’
I use my special how-much-milk-is-my-baby-getting gage. It sparkles and plays a Lady Gaga song when the baby is full! OK, OK, you got me; the one downside to breastfeeding is that your never quite sure how much milk your baby has drunk, It all boils down to the have faith in your boob malarkey. ‘Is she due a feed?’ Comes under this bracket of stupidity and nursing. Breast feeding works successfully on demand so it really doesn’t matter whether you’ve fed five minutes or five hours previous the baby is never really ‘due’ a feed.

8. ‘My baby sleeps through.’
Hurrah for your baby! I’ll tell you why he/she sleeps through shall I? Breast milk is watery. It’s a whole lot of liquid goodness that’s easier to digest. Formula milk is far more fatty and therefore satisfies that tiny tummy for longer…not rocket science ey?

9. ‘Doesn’t it hurt?’
Once established breastfeeding does not hurt. Initially though? Yes it’s toe curling horrendous and if the attachment is wrong it bloody kills. But, and I hate to keep returning back to basics, I’d like you to remember that labour hurts! And while we’re on that train; hangovers hurt, a bikini wax hurts, having a tattoo hurts but we still endure all these things frequently for less satisfaction than keeping a human alive.

10. ‘You should get that baby on a bottle!’
This is patented by the old school generation who throw it into conversation if a baby should so much as murmur. It’s said with a shaken head if you mention that you’ve had a rough night, if the baby gets a cold or if you happen to mention something peculiar like ‘breast pad’ or ‘pump!’

11. ‘ Your still breastfeeding?’
Yes I bloody am and if I decide to do so until my child goes to university it just so happens to be none of your bloody business!